current mood: shitty
current song: Kansas - Dust in the wind
So... apparently I'm selfish, snobby, ungrateful, and a bad son. This is according to my sister or so I think.
You see, my sister is in debt. About a couple of years ago she took out a $25,000.00 loan to purchase a motorcycle. A harley davidson. A couple of years later she owes $24,000.00 still but can only sell the bike for $22,000.
So... what does she want... she wants me to give her $2,000.00. And, do I need $2,000.00? Of course not. It's not like I'm going to University and paying for my education. It's not like I'm trying to have enough money saved that I don't have to ask my mother for $500 in the middle of term to pay for bills or whatever. It's not like I have my own shit to deal with.
Ugh... this was compounded by the fact that ever since my sister knew I was coming home to work she has hounded me for money. I remember the first conversation I had with her once we found out I had a job in Toronto and staying at home. It went something like this
Ruta: So, how much are you paying for rent right now?
Me: $375 and next term I'm paying $500 a month.
Ruta: Good, so you can pay mommy $500 a month.
Me: You're fucking nuts, the reason I came to work in Toronto is so I could save money
Ruta: Oh.... ok.
She's been trying to guilt me into giving her and my mother all my money so that they can pay their debts. Even though she is like $40,000 in debt, and my mother $190,000. After paying like $1300 to my mother's 8000/10000 limit credit card I thought it would be generous to give my mom $500 from my inheritence of $2,500. After paying off some of my own debt (about $1,700 in my line of credit) I decided I'd give my mom $260 now, and then at the end of term if after paying for school I have some money left over, I'd give her $240.
Well, according to my sister this is lying. She started yelling at me because I was talking to her the day/night before asking her whether I should just pay more of my mom's credit card off or to just give my mom money. After a quick assessment of my estimated funds, and how much I need I felt that giving my mom $500 right now might put me too far back to pay off my tuition and that if I gave my mom $260 right now, I would have some money saved for later when I need it to pay off my tuition. And if I had enough money (which I should) I'd be able to pay my mom another $240 or heck $260 in august after I've paid off my tuition.
So, my response to this is that I need to be sure that I can pay for my tuition and that is more important than giving my mom all my money. My sister disagreed and was raising her voice even more and I replied that it wasn't my fault that my mother can't manager her money well. Then my sister said, but you have enough to buy yourself a $400 monitor. First off, with the rebate that I have to send in, it will be $350... secondly, I paid for it, with my money, seperate entirely from anything that has to do with her. Did I say well, you
On my jog, I decided my family would much rather have me be eternally in debt like them rather than have any sort of future and career making twice the amount of money they make and then help them. It's obviously imperative to them that I give them all the money I ever have and give it to them. I'm obviously overexaggerating. But it still drives me bonkers. Like, I don't think I'd ever seriously drop out like that. I need this. I need to finish my education, I need to be able to support my family. But I can't right now. Once I'm out of school and am comfortable with the amount of money I'm making I can focus on fixing my family's finances, because they obviously have the financial saving sense of 6 year old. A very rich 6 year old.
I was thinking, if I could rethink every deal or expensive trip/object or whatever I took, and had the financial sense to forsee my family's economic ruin I could probably have saved them around $25,000.00. This isn't that much considering the scale of my family's debt, however it is enough to cover my education. And that's the one thing I want. That will set me free. Free from this pigsty, free from my mother's nerve-numbing mundanity, free from my sister's cats, free from my family. I still love them, but I'm dead set on not living like them. I just want that iron ring more than anything, and this just motivates me to do better this term so that I have a better chance at getting scholarships and what not...
Ugh, longest post ever.
And as always Kiri is the bright star in the darkest of skies